Functional Noise Regularize Your Mind

The Urge

This feeling. I first encountered it during meditation, about 9 months ago. A special kind of suffering that I could not shake. I thought it was somekind of absolute feeling of meaninglessness. But I am not sure now.

After I felt it, I think I have been fleeing it ever since. I frantically started new side projects that felt more meaningful, so it has been a potent force in that regard. But my energy is too low now. I could still distact my mind a bit with entertainment, numb the feeling, but it's not enough anymore.

It has caught up with me. It's here now as I write this, close to the surface. I feel it in all my muscles as some kind of urge to move, to run away. I can't really describe it. It's not boredom. I feel like running away from everything, from work, from my family. I'm pretty certain that won't help. I don't know how to get rid of it.

I still don't know how to conquer my mind.

I'll try excercising this evening.


Better. For now. I cycled as fast as I could and summoned this feeling. Perhaps my body is just telling me to freaking excercise more. My mind feels quite clear now, like a fog has lifted. I hope this is the end of my mind decay episode.